Posts by Dirt Rocker

11

I'm Glad I'm A Man

by Dirt Rocker in

i'm glad i'm a man.

i'm glad i'm a man, you better believe.

i don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to - north,south,east, or west.

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
And when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.

And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early,
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.

I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see.
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.

I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

And now it's time for a rebuttal

I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.

I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down.
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.

And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch.
And yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see - I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It dosen't grow in my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.

And what's on my head dosen't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know - I've got far too much pride!

And I honestly think it's a privelege for me,
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.

I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

25

Your resolutions?

by jwbot in

jw
friends

1) to lose 20 more pounds (on top of the 35 i had recently lost).

2) to give blood.

3) to get financially on track.

Dirt Rocker

i never make resolutions.. they never stick..

60

Why are women angry?

by Dirt Rocker in

jw
friends

we started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years .

old only to find that anything that came in contact .

with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it .

Dirt Rocker

right....With your attitude, I am sure all the ladies just flock to you...
Not really, just the ones with the right attitude. Only those girls who do not get offended easily, can think for thelmselves, dont mind asking or accepting a real solution AND distinguish a jerk from a real man. Besides "attitude" in cyberspace is different when you play reality, actually i can not see you smiling... and i never use a video camera in cyberspace.

Can we please stick to the topic.

One, I don't really care about your relationships, or lack there of. That isn't the topic here. If you want to talk about your personal life, make your own thread abput it. Thanks.

it's because they refuse the scratch where it itches.
Hmmm, I know a guy who constantly has his hand down there when he is relaxing on the sofa and watching tv. He claims it's an itch. Now, how long is a man allowed to scratch it before it's considered playing with it? That's what I want to know.....

That's exactly what I want to know! LOL!

60

Why are women angry?

by Dirt Rocker in

jw
friends

we started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years .

old only to find that anything that came in contact .

with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it .

Dirt Rocker

There's a solution for everything! This is for you, Missy!
http://www.femmedinc.com/index.html
Oh Geez....yah I can see it already: (at Taco Bell)..."Christian, I have to use the ladies room..oh wait...where did I put my feminine funnel....??"

That's just wrong...

60

Why are women angry?

by Dirt Rocker in

jw
friends

we started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years .

old only to find that anything that came in contact .

with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it .

Dirt Rocker

The weaker sex are not really the weaker sex but the stronger sex because of the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex

wow... hmmm... never thought of it that way before..

60

Why are women angry?

by Dirt Rocker in

jw
friends

we started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years .

old only to find that anything that came in contact .

with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it .

Dirt Rocker

LOL missy!

60

Why are women angry?

by Dirt Rocker in

jw
friends

we started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years .

old only to find that anything that came in contact .

with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it .

Dirt Rocker

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years
old only to find that anything that came in contact
with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it
brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously
uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys
in school would snap until we had calluses on our
backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens
(or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we
bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies,
had to wear little mattresses between our legs or
insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we
didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was
having sex for the first time which was about as much
fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your
nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little
cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the
fuss was about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to
live on dry crackers and water for a few months so
we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother
John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and
we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels
inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day
making us wonder if we were preparing to have
Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a
watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every
time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived,
the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably
burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to
waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain
all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the
OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar.
Calm down and push. Just one more good push
(more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved
impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in
the nose for making us cram a wiggling,
mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a
keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to
find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful
little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet,
gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their teen years. Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit
our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while
hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause,"
the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT
and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or
the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a
hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and
bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful
than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the
icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods
without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would
make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the
"weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.